She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
