Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
