We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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