please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
