you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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