i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
