we have pet lesbian snakes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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