Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
