I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
