Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
