I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
