They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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