Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
