We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize