If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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