What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
