I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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