what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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