Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
