i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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