don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize