i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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