bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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