you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
