I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
