dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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