my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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