why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
