Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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