bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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