You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
