this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
