Your face is a jimmy john
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
