Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
