God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
