omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
