We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
