You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
