i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
