I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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