im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
