My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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