this beer tastes like vomit already
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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