I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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