i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
being pregnant is like rehab
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
