Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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