yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize