The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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