You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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