So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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