Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
