I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just forgot I was standing up.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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