Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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