drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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