***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
