I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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