I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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