Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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