forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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