Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
