we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
