Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
