yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
