Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm really busy with my period
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
