shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
