Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
