I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize