Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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